he puts the penis in happiness.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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