Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
