sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
