Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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