I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize