I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
