I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
