There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
