so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
