this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
