We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize