That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
