Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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