help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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