you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize