And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
