They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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