is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
