Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
