I like my sex mixed with concussions.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
