we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
