Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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