just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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