Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i love accidental penises.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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