You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I wear drunk well.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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