i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
