Just cropdusted the office
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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