I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
