youre lurking in front of me
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
