im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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