Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize