My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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