is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We had to coat check the pizza.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
