I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
