Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
