And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
