the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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