if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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