Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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