im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
