A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
why do cheetos always look like penises
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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