She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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