South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
