It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
