Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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