Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
