she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
