STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
