her vagine was all disorganized.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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