I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
