I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So vagazzling was a success
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
