Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
