She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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