I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
