i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
