I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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