Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
