So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
