I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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