im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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