i think my mom watched the whole time
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
