when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
its liver damage thursday
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
