You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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