ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize