my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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