Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
