last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
