I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
