ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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