the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
