What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
