Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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