I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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