Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize