in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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