Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
