Can i not drive my cunt home
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
