I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize