New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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