I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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