Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
