she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
