"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Someone shattered a urinal.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize