i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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