so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
