so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
