I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She bit a glass in half.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
sex in a hospital.. check
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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