it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you had me at cake vodka
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
