I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
