there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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