ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
