That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
