I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize