I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize
