she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize