do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
