i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
