Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
