Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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