Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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