So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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