We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
