She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
