i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
