Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
