I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize