So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize