I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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